'Til the Wellheads Run Dry

I've been down with the flu this week - and one day I woke from a nap with the lyrics for a new parody of Don McLean's American Pie running through my head. Elliot and I had recently been watching Weird Al's excellent parody, "The Saga Begins" - but my parody lyrics were directly connected to climate change. And politics.

After a day of writing, and another day or two of tweaking (plus some input from Elliot and a few friends), I debuted the song last night at a friend's karaoke party. It was a big hit, and by the end everyone was singing along with the chorus. So here it is - try it out and see what you think! 

I'm working on making a good recording of it - but in the meantime you can listen to a poorly-recorded version (with cheesy karaoke backup) here.

You can download the lyrics with guitar chords here, and the piano music is available here and here. 

'Til the Wellheads Run Dry
Music by Don McLean, Words by Vanessa Warheit

A long, long time ago, 
something magic happened, 
when James Watt built a steam machine

And with it brought us fossil fuels
to rev up all our power tools
and build a brand new world - it was a dream

But like all dreams, it couldn’t last
The air pollution grew too fast
And now the climate’s changing
It’s time for rearranging

Cause physics doesn’t care at all
The ice keeps melting, while we stall
7 billion on one blue ball
We all will need to try

So bye-bye to the ridiculous lie
That we have to keep on drilling til the wellheads run dry
Cause if we do, we know the planet will fry
And that would be a dumb way to die
Yes that would be a dumb way to die

Well the good news is, we’ve got all we need
The power’s there - but, so’s the greed
We need a revolution soon
Cause the money’s gone to a chosen few
And they don’t think like me & you
‘bout the future, no, that’s not the way of wall street…

But we’ve got a big election soon
Will it save us all, or spell our doom
The choice seems pretty clear…
Feel the Bern, or feed the fear… ooh!

We need a new supreme court justice too
The last one’s gone, it’s really true,
Let’s send up a prayer or two
I think, it’s worth a try. Cause I’m still singing.. 

Bye-bye to the ridiculous lie
That we have to keep on drilling til the wellheads run dry
Cause if we do, we know the planet will fry
And that would be a dumb way to die
Yes that would be a dumb way to die

Now the reasons, well I must have missed ‘em,
For rippin out our life-support systems
‘Cause, that’s not how it needs to be…

We’ve got geothermal and lots of solar
To keep us cosy in the next big polar
vortex - brr - and don’t forget the wind… 

‘Cause we’ve seen how strong that wind can blow,
And storage - yeah, there’s still a ways to go - 
But financing is the key-
Can we end the oil subsidy? ooh -

‘Cause with a methane plume over LA
A melting Arctic and a rising bay
I’m worried my kid might not be OK
Unless, we start to try….
So let’s start singing

Bye-bye to the ridiculous lie
That we have to keep on drilling til the wellheads run dry
Cause if we do, we know the planet will fry
And that would be a dumb way to die
Yes that would be a dumb way to die

From Rio to Paris, they still keep meeting
To discuss the Mauna Loa readings,
400 parts & rising fast….

Fossil fuels have been a blast
But pretty soon, the die will be cast
I’m afraid our... generation... is the last

To take a stand and make things right
To ensure our future’s bright
We know what we need to do
Oh, and I think that you do too

We need more public transit, and high-speed trains,
Electric cars, and safe bike lanes
We could even fly in solar airplanes
But only if we try…
That’s why I’m singing

Bye bye to that ridiculous lie
That says we have to keep on drilling til the wellheads run dry
Cause if we do, we know the planet will fry
And that would be a dumb way to die
Yes that would be a dumb way to die

Oh we are one human race,
On one little planet, alone in space
You’d think that we could find a way…

So bring on tiny houses, and safer streets
Healthy forests, and pastured meats,
And veggie meals, each & every day…

And if you’re waiting for the billionaires
Remember you are the one who cares
And nobody else but you
Can do that thing you do

So bring on your passion, Bring on your dreams
Together, we can do anything
The time is now, the train is leaving
C’mon, we’ve got to try.
And we’re all singing

Bye-by to that ridiculous lie
That says we have to keep on drilling til the wellheads run dry
'Cause if we do, we know the planet will fry
And that would be a dumb way to die
Yes that would be a dumb way to die

I met a girl who had a dream
She saw a future, safe and clean
So I asked her, can you see the way?

Take a look around, she said
All those plans inside your head
Make them real, make them see the light of day.

Go out there and tell your friends
It’s not too late to change the end
You could all stand up now or
never know your power

So folks I hope you’ll follow me
And be the change you want to see
We haven’t got a Planet B
We’ve got to stand and fight.

So bye-by to that ridiculous lie
That says we’ve gotta keep on drilling til the wellheads run dry
'Cause if we do, we know the planet will fry
And that would be a dumb way to die
Yes that would be a dumb way to die

Bye-by to that ridiculous lie
That says we have to keep on drilling til the wellheads run dry
Cause if we do, we know the planet will fry
And that would be a dumb way to die.

A Modest Proposal

A friend called me this afternoon, to ask if I'd come down to City Hall to talk about parking. Evidently, our City Council is considering - seriously considering - spending $13m to build a new parking garage in our already car-choked downtown. When I told Elliot's dad about why I'd be at City Hall this evening, he gave me a great idea. "Why don't you tell them you actually want them to build FOUR new parking garages? Just to show them how ridiculous this is," he suggested. 

Vanessa presenting her modest proposal for parking in downtown Palo Alto

And so, my Modest Proposal was born. After re-reading Jonathan Swift's brilliant 1729 pamphlet on solving Ireland's poverty problem, I spent some time crafting a similarly-structured argument for solving Palo Alto's parking problem. You can watch my performance (and its confused reception in the council chambers) in the video my friend filmed with my phone - but she stopped filming when the mayor told me my time was up. (I ignored her and kept on talking, so I could make my last and most important point.) The funniest thing (or maybe the saddest thing) was that quite a few people seemed to think I was serious - including a reporter, who asked me as we were leaving if she could contact me for more details about my 'double decker road idea'.

The entire text is below. Read, and enjoy.

A Modest Proposal

Good evening dear council members. My name is Vanessa Warheit - I’m a Palo Alto resident, mother of a child in the Palo Alto Unified School District, and the owner of a car registered here in Palo Alto. In light of tonight’s discussion on parking in our downtown, I wanted to make a modest proposal.

Clearly, the streets of Palo Alto are too congested. It takes way too long to find parking. This is bad for local businesses - which is clear from the number of local establishments that I remember from my childhood, which have long since gone out of business. Our region is growing, and we need to better support the long-term growth of our downtown. We also need to keep all these cars from spilling over into the residential neighborhoods that surround it.

But I believe the proposal to build a new parking garage downtown isn’t the answer to these problems. For one thing, it only adds 214 additional parking spaces to our downtown - not near enough for the projected growth in this area. With 17,000 more jobs and 13,000 additional residents projected in the next 20 years, we can expect even more cars on our streets. The proposed garage is also all the way over on Hamilton Street - requiring people patronizing businesses on University, or Lytton, or any of downtown’s side streets, to walk one - or more - blocks to their destination. 

What I am proposing is a project to bring free parking right in front of every single business, double our existing capacity, and maximize the use of our existing facilities. 

I have been assured by a well-known transportation official in Los Angeles that creating a double-decker road system provides the kind of free, convenient access to local businesses that we need here in Palo Alto. I would like to therefore submit for consideration a common-sense idea that is in alignment with policies T-45 (provide sufficient parking to address long-range needs) and T-47 (protect residential areas from parking impacts of nearby business districts).

I propose to make University Avenue, Hamilton Avenue, and Lytton Street double decker streets - with diagonal parking along each side at both the ground floor and the second floor - allowing easy access to establishments regardless of their vertical location within a building. Building the second story of roadways would also require eliminating the trees from our downtown, and narrowing our sidewalks - which would make walking from car to business even easier, reduce tree maintenance costs, and add an additional 50% to the number of available parking spaces.

My proposal would put our city on the map - and not only as the city with the most convenient parking in the Bay Area. Cities like Beijing and New Delhi, which have seen a significant rise in their parking, have shown 7.3% and 7.4% levels of GDP growth - compared to a paltry 3.8% here in the US. Not only has this growth increased per capita income in these cities, but the record-setting levels of air pollution generated by this growth over the past few years has also gained them significant media attention. Imagine what Palo Alto could do with that added revenue, and all that press coverage!

I can’t think of any objection that could be raised against this proposal - unless it might be that constructing such a system of freely-accessible parking might cost more than the city has in its budget. But to that I would simply suggest that increasing the speed limit to 35 mph could put this project squarely into the realm of CalTrans, and thereby qualify it for available State highway improvement funds. 

So let’s stop considering these other suggestions - ideas about analyzing different transportation demand strategies, or providing meaningful transit options, or exploring emerging technologies like self-driving cars and transportation as a service. Things like looking at expanding our bike share options, or expanding mode shift, or looking at what kinds of pedestrian and bicycle infrastructure $13m might buy the city. Let’s not have any more talk of these ideas until we have at least the faintest glimmer of hope that there might some day be a hearty and sincere attempt to put them into practice. 

For me, after so many years of offering up vain, idle, visionary ideas like these, and really despairing of any success in addressing our parking woes, I felt incredibly lucky to come upon this proposal - which I hope you will join me in embracing. It is so in line with the American way, with Palo Alto’s vision for growth, with our need for car-based mobility and complete and total independence - and, I might add, with the auto industry’s need to sell cars to each and every one of us - that I feel confident this is the best way forward for our city. 

But if someone has a better idea, I’d like to hear it. Just keep in mind, it will need to deal with 13,000 more people, and 17,000 more jobs, within the next 20 years.

Thank you.