Worse Than Poop!

Why is carbon dioxide worse than poop? Find out with the help of an 8-year-old science expert, the Green Ninja, and a fleet of pooping cars!
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Elliot accompanies me on "Til the Wellheads Run Dry" as we cross the Columbia River on Amtrak

Elliot accompanies me on "Til the Wellheads Run Dry" as we cross the Columbia River on Amtrak

Ridin' the Rails with Elliot

Vanessa Warheit April 6, 2016

It's spring break - and I'm taking Elliot to Vancouver on the train. We boarded the Amtrak in Emeryville, and headed up to Seattle in a cosy 'roomette' sleeper. We actually spent most of our time in the lounge car, and the dining car, but we also made some time to practice the guitar! 

Stretching our legs at the Portland Amtrak station.

Stretching our legs at the Portland Amtrak station.

We took the train in part because it's way less carbon intensive than flying. Amtrak isn't Deutsche Bahn - or even India Rail - but even with its shortcomings (principal among them being that Amtrak often runs late because freight trains take priority on corporate-owned American rails), I still love riding Amtrak. Train travel is just more relaxing and more enjoyable than flying. You see stunningly beautiful parts of the country you'd never see otherwise, and you meet some really nice & interesting people. (At lunch, for instance, we met a fellow who works in Idaho selling goods to the folks working in the oil industry. But it turns out he also runs an export business selling used goods to Senegal and to Dubai - and he's hoping to open a refrigeration plant in Senegal to help expand their fishing markets. When I mentioned the possibility of creating a solar-powered microgrid to power it, he got very excited.) 

Disembarking at the stunning, recently-renovated King Street Station in Seattle - a spectacular turn-of-the-century palace of dazzling white marble, polished wood and brass

Disembarking at the stunning, recently-renovated King Street Station in Seattle - a spectacular turn-of-the-century palace of dazzling white marble, polished wood and brass

In carbon footprint, flying, alternative transportatio Tags protest songs, trains, travel with kids, travel, Seattle, Pacific Northwest
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'Til the Wellheads Run Dry

Vanessa Warheit February 21, 2016

I've been down with the flu this week - and one day I woke from a nap with the lyrics for a new parody of Don McLean's American Pie running through my head. Elliot and I had recently been watching Weird Al's excellent parody, "The Saga Begins" - but my parody lyrics were directly connected to climate change. And politics.

After a day of writing, and another day or two of tweaking (plus some input from Elliot and a few friends), I debuted the song last night at a friend's karaoke party. It was a big hit, and by the end everyone was singing along with the chorus. So here it is - try it out and see what you think! 

I'm working on making a good recording of it - but in the meantime you can listen to a poorly-recorded version (with cheesy karaoke backup) here.

You can download the lyrics with guitar chords here, and the piano music is available here and here. 

'Til the Wellheads Run Dry
Music by Don McLean, Words by Vanessa Warheit

A long, long time ago, 
something magic happened, 
when James Watt built a steam machine

And with it brought us fossil fuels
to rev up all our power tools
and build a brand new world - it was a dream

But like all dreams, it couldn’t last
The air pollution grew too fast
And now the climate’s changing
It’s time for rearranging

Cause physics doesn’t care at all
The ice keeps melting, while we stall
7 billion on one blue ball
We all will need to try

So bye-bye to the ridiculous lie
That we have to keep on drilling til the wellheads run dry
Cause if we do, we know the planet will fry
And that would be a dumb way to die
Yes that would be a dumb way to die

Well the good news is, we’ve got all we need
The power’s there - but, so’s the greed
We need a revolution soon
Cause the money’s gone to a chosen few
And they don’t think like me & you
‘bout the future, no, that’s not the way of wall street…

But we’ve got a big election soon
Will it save us all, or spell our doom
The choice seems pretty clear…
Feel the Bern, or feed the fear… ooh!

We need a new supreme court justice too
The last one’s gone, it’s really true,
Let’s send up a prayer or two
I think, it’s worth a try. Cause I’m still singing.. 

Bye-bye to the ridiculous lie
That we have to keep on drilling til the wellheads run dry
Cause if we do, we know the planet will fry
And that would be a dumb way to die
Yes that would be a dumb way to die

Now the reasons, well I must have missed ‘em,
For rippin out our life-support systems
‘Cause, that’s not how it needs to be…

We’ve got geothermal and lots of solar
To keep us cosy in the next big polar
vortex - brr - and don’t forget the wind… 

‘Cause we’ve seen how strong that wind can blow,
And storage - yeah, there’s still a ways to go - 
But financing is the key-
Can we end the oil subsidy? ooh -

‘Cause with a methane plume over LA
A melting Arctic and a rising bay
I’m worried my kid might not be OK
Unless, we start to try….
So let’s start singing

Bye-bye to the ridiculous lie
That we have to keep on drilling til the wellheads run dry
Cause if we do, we know the planet will fry
And that would be a dumb way to die
Yes that would be a dumb way to die

From Rio to Paris, they still keep meeting
To discuss the Mauna Loa readings,
400 parts & rising fast….

Fossil fuels have been a blast
But pretty soon, the die will be cast
I’m afraid our... generation... is the last

To take a stand and make things right
To ensure our future’s bright
We know what we need to do
Oh, and I think that you do too

We need more public transit, and high-speed trains,
Electric cars, and safe bike lanes
We could even fly in solar airplanes
But only if we try…
That’s why I’m singing

Bye bye to that ridiculous lie
That says we have to keep on drilling til the wellheads run dry
Cause if we do, we know the planet will fry
And that would be a dumb way to die
Yes that would be a dumb way to die

Oh we are one human race,
On one little planet, alone in space
You’d think that we could find a way…

So bring on tiny houses, and safer streets
Healthy forests, and pastured meats,
And veggie meals, each & every day…

And if you’re waiting for the billionaires
Remember you are the one who cares
And nobody else but you
Can do that thing you do

So bring on your passion, Bring on your dreams
Together, we can do anything
The time is now, the train is leaving
C’mon, we’ve got to try.
And we’re all singing

Bye-by to that ridiculous lie
That says we have to keep on drilling til the wellheads run dry
'Cause if we do, we know the planet will fry
And that would be a dumb way to die
Yes that would be a dumb way to die

I met a girl who had a dream
She saw a future, safe and clean
So I asked her, can you see the way?

Take a look around, she said
All those plans inside your head
Make them real, make them see the light of day.

Go out there and tell your friends
It’s not too late to change the end
You could all stand up now or
never know your power

So folks I hope you’ll follow me
And be the change you want to see
We haven’t got a Planet B
We’ve got to stand and fight.

So bye-by to that ridiculous lie
That says we’ve gotta keep on drilling til the wellheads run dry
'Cause if we do, we know the planet will fry
And that would be a dumb way to die
Yes that would be a dumb way to die

Bye-by to that ridiculous lie
That says we have to keep on drilling til the wellheads run dry
Cause if we do, we know the planet will fry
And that would be a dumb way to die.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In electric vehicles, flying, civic engagement, carbon pollution, public transit, climate activism, satire, clean technology Tags climate action, music, satire, protest songs
1 Comment
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Worse Than Poop!

Why is carbon dioxide worse than poop? Find out with the help of an 8-year-old science expert, the Green Ninja, and a fleet of pooping cars!

Today, humans are creating more than 38 billion tons of carbon pollution every year - in fact, over 2 million pounds of it gets spewed into the air every second. This massive amount of pollution is now threatening the climate that all life depends on, and in the US, almost a third of that pollution comes from transportation. But the problem with CO2 is that you can’t see it, you can’t smell it, you can’t taste it - and that makes it hard for people to take it seriously. But what if you could see it? What if the 19 pounds of crap coming out of your car’s tailpipe was... crap?


Elliot Ingle, a bespectacled 8-year old wearing a necktie and lab coat, takes us on a short journey to imagine just such a reality. Using a combination of live action video and animation, “Worse than Poop” will illustrate basic scientific facts (why DOES a gallon of gas produce 19 pounds of CO2? How is that possible - and where does it go?). It will also work to undermine some outmoded cultural norms (what’s a better status symbol - a poo-spattered Lexus or a spiffy clean Tesla - or a fun shiny bike with a cool sidecar?). Featuring mom’s minivan (one pound of poo per mile!), the lumbering Suburban (19 pounds of poop in only 10 miles!), the Tesla S (faster than a speeding Captain Underpants!), the Nissan Leaf, the Mitsubishi i, and a flotilla of electric and people-powered bicycles and scooters, “Worse than Poop” will engage children ages 5-12 in the most important issue of our time: rejection of the fossil fuel lifestyle. 

It’s bound to make a difference. I mean, what kid doesn’t love talking about poop?

Climate change facts, what is climate change, climate change definition.

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